I became a wino on Easter xD

Yeah, I did… I’m addcited to this game: http://www.menelgame.pl/

If you click here http://change.menelgame.pl/change_please/6404177/ I get virtual money that I need to practice my skills and buy some things, pets and stuff like that… God, it’s so stupid but so addictive there’s so quiet on the Polish TR forum now cuz everyone plays this game and we talk there… drunkards with their animals, fighting and gaining some tins and rubbish but we’ll become millionaires someday! xD

I don’t like Easter… maybe not Easter itself, but all the falsity around it, when everyone tries to be saint and say how bad i am because i don’t go to church and so on… at least i’m honest, why should i do it if i don’t feel so religious. i don’t have to show to the whole world how good girl i am

ok, i have to go know because my wino is practising deftness… i must see how many tins i must sell to buy a place to live in a cardboard box, cuz living in a park is quite dangerous and someone can attack me xD

anyway, i wish you all happy Easter!

Pariterapiaa

Mä en aio erota
koska en vaan halua
mutta täytyy puhua

yeah, once again i got addicted to new PMMP’s songs. <3 Pariterapiaa seemed to be a weird song and maybe it kinda is, but anyway it’s so addictive and catchy… can’t wait to know the lyrics.

3 days without school, yay! no school, but bad students must go to retreat. hm, maybe it’s gonna be fun… i don’t think so, but we’ll see.

And when I’m tired of walking alone I put my headphones on

What can I say about last days… I had a nice and lazy weekend, on Saturday night I had a pretty kinky shoutbox conversation with some friends, then when I was already in bed they were still posting, when I read their chats on Sunday morning I saw they almost made an erotic movie I was hyper at that night cuz I slept the whole afternoon, then drunk a cup of coffee, so at 1am I wasn’t sleepy at all, when I turned the computer off I decided to learn Biology… it was the first time when I was learning and nobody forced me to do this We’ll see if it was worth it, today I had a test and maybe tomorrow I’ll get the result.

Today was also funny, my friend pretends that she’s depressed and the only thing that can make her feel better (well at least she says so, I know she’s kidding) is TR backstage and “Bratislavaaaa! ummm a a ummm”. I must sing it all the time and she’s watching this video on my mp4 player. I don’t even wanna think about tomorrow… three tests, biology, geography, 2 hours of maths… we must have it because we have maths on our final exams next year   anyway those classes are much better that the normal maths lesson, the teacher is friendlier and we’re all more relaxed though it’s our 8th and 9th lesson this day.

What else… today I bought 3 books, two for the revision before the exams, and the one that I was looking for for a long time – “Who killed Kurt Cobain?”. I read his journals a couple of times and I am also interested how he died, somehow I don’t believe it was a suicide and people have proofs to think so too. I must read it today though I have lots of learning, I’m too impatient. I’m really fond of things like this, unexplained events, deaths, murders and so on, especially when it’s about people that I admire and Kurt is for sure one of them. The next person is Heath Ledger, although his death was explained as a tragic and unwated and people say it wasn’t also a suicide, there’s some mistery behind it. I dunno, maybe I watch too many Joker scenes from The Dark Knight movie and the Joker poster which I’ve got from my friend has a bad influence on me   Naah, I won’t take it off, it’s too beautiful *___* I’m just kind of inquisitive mind and can’t avoid it.

So, now I’m going to write in my geography copybook all the capitals of the countries in the world, in 3 weeks I have a test from them -.- I’ll also listen to the YleX radio, new songs from PMMP’s new album are played there everyday, so I’m very curious and excited about them

The title of the post is from the new song that I fel in love with, it’s Headphones from Disco Ensemble. Thanks to kittie who uploaded their songs and I had a chance to get to know them.

And when I’m tired of walking alone
I put my headphones on
And when it’s time to get out of it all
I put my headphones on
And when it feels like everything’s wrong
I put my headphones on

This is so damn true and fits to me perfectly, I’m totally addicted to headphones and they’re with me everywhere, my favourite music is cheering me up and taking to the other world when I’m feeling bad, but it’s with me in the happy moments too. Just everywhere and everytime xD

two weeks ago…

I’m so tired and my head hurts, I’m going to sleep now but today two weeks passed since such a perfect day, so I’ll post my two favourite moments from this day:

thank you The Rasmus! <3

maybe tomorrow I’ll write something more.

i wanna dance with somebody, dance with somebody

Yeah,  let’s dance! Only 5 days to The Rasmus gig, woo-hoo! The title comes from the Mando Diao’s song from their new album “Give me fire”, first I didn’t like it at all because it was not MY Mando that I fell in love with almost 2 years ago, I thought something wrong happened with them, as with The Killers and many other bands lately… But the album is not bad, for sure better than the previous one. Blue Lining White Trenchcoat, Gloria, Mean Street and Go Out Tonight are my fav songs, Dance with somebody has a very nice intro, it suits for some movie or something like that. I think I’ll buy the album if I have money and it will be available in Poland.

I wanted to write here some time ago when I was annoyed by one thing, but Reka said everything what I wanted on her blog, in the post called “You don’t get me at all or what?” She did it great, applause for her

Reka and Oana are today at TR gig, I am really happy for both of them, hope they will bring many pictures and meet all the boys

I have to go now, German vocabulary, chemistry, biology and geography are waiting for me -.- I can’t concentrate at learning, I just think about the gig and nothing else… ok, I think about some other things too, but not about the school, as always xD

I wish I knew how to quit you

Yeah, my last post here was written 2 weeks ago, you can already see how lazy I am when it comes to having a blog and writing posts regularly. I always like reading other people’s blogs and stuff like this, but I have always problems with my own.

Anyway, what can I say… 2 weeks ago I was ill, a week later I started my holidays and now I have one week of them and then school again… I must start learning this week when I have enough time for all the subjects, I must catch up on all the tests and lessons from the week that I’ve spent at home because of the illness… I hate school, but I think it’s obvious for every student

What else? Shopping with friends… I’ve never been shopping that much as in the last days or better call it window shopping… I love shopping centres xD Some fights with my mom but it’s typical for us, we are both nervous and shout at each other, then forgot about it one hour later xD Being lazy and doing photomanipulations with TR boys… but  some of them are pretty hard to understand if you didn’t see my chats with a friend… sometimes I am scared of our ideas.

Yesterday I watched Brokeback Mountain, I haven’t seen any movie which moved me like this one for a long long time… Such a big, beautiful but hard love, ruined by people because of the rules which people should follow in those times… Jack and Ennis made themselves unhappy, but also their wives, kids, everyone around them… They could be happy, but their sexual orientation was the problem. Homophobe people should go to the doctor.

Heath and Jake were amazing and very brave to play gays, thanks to them this movie was so magical… and also the thing which was very important was that there weren’t any love confessions, words full of empty emotionalism which we can see in many movies… their love just EXISTED and you could feel it in their gestures, glances, everything. The only one thing we can admit as a confession were Jack’s words which are in the title of my posts. After 20 years he didn’t knew how to stop this love, it was still stronger than him.

You can watch this scene here:

I will watch this movie again because it was not so good on tv with all the advertisements, breaks and the translation… There are so many deep scenes which seem so simple and without any meaning at the beginnig, but now I am planning to find all the answers and conclusions.

Now I’m glad, yeah

It’s been almost 10 days since I wrote here last time… I just had no time or no inspiration to write something smart xD And even if I wanted to, I forgot about some stuff … there are too much things going on lately.

Anyway, I have a weekend, hooray! Next week will be much harder but I will survive, after all I will have 2 weeks of holidays and there are only 36 days left to The Rasmus gig! I didn’t want to count down the days but everyone around me does it, so even if I don’t want to, I know how many days we will wait.

On Wednesday priest visited my house (don’t know how to say it in English, before or after Xmas every year priest is visiting families). He asked me about my future and studies and I answered him that I wanna study English philology. He said it’s nice, but nowadays many people study this and they can’t find a job, English is more and more popular and so on… I told him that I wanted to study Finnish philology but it’s too hard to get to the universities in Poland where I can study it. He said that would be great, and how did it happen that I am into Finland, I started to listen to Finnish bands and then I started learning this language. He said it’s great, he’s very interested in Croatian music. He asked me if I have some CDs with Finnish music because he had never heard this language in songs… I said that yes, I have and I went to my room to look for them. I had only PMMP CDs so I gave them to him, explainin that these are female voices and I dunno if he will like it… he said he will borrow them and listen, then tell me at school how it was. I thought he will take Kovemmat Kadet album, I think it’s more calm, but no, he took Kuulkaas Enot! O.o I wanna see his face when he will listen to it xD Anyway, I’ve never met a priest like this who talks like a teenager and is so nice I was shocked in a very positive way. The priest who teaches me religion at school is completely different, talks only about church… I can’t stop myself from sleeping at his lessons xD

Yesterday I had English competition… There were 100 questions and I didn’t know the answer in 80 of them or something like this. It was so damn hard, even my teacher couldn’t pronounce some words when she read it for the first time. My favourite question was:

35. All three of us rushed ……….. into the kitchen.

a) pell-mell

b) riff-raff

c) nitty-gritty

d) higgledy-piggledy

Do I have to say more? Guess no.

Today I feel good because of the weekend but not only because of this… I got a feeling that I win! ;D Don’t ask what, but some people are just “crawling lower than low” when me and my friends can just grin and laugh at them

I’m also happy because of greetings that Ola Salo (lead singer of The Ark and Jesus in Swedish version of Jesus Christ Superstar) sent special greetings for PAC! It’s Polish Arkish Camp, a small group of The Ark fans from Poland, I’m also there Some of my friends from there are coming to Sweden a few times in a year and meet with TA guys, now my friend Vivica was also in Malmo and met Pajac (Ola, I mean xD) at the backstage after the JCS.

Look what she recorded:

Isn’t it sweet?

So, I leave you now with him ;D

Wasn’t life supposed to be more than this?

This quote really fits here…  “THIS” is not enough for me.

I really don’t have much luck in my life. I dream about some things for years and they don’t come true at all. Sometimes I just think that my studies won’t work, I won’t get a job that I want and I will end as a shop assistant in the nearest market with kids, stupid husband and no money xD it sounds ridiculous now but I’m scared my life will be just the same as one of the others’ lives… simple, boring and all dreams I have now will be ruined because of the everyday needs, lack of money and other things that don’t depend on me. People who don’t deserve it have everything they want, and where’s the justice? There’s not any. Ok, maybe it’s just my pesimistic mood and bad condition today are making me feel like crap more.

In Roxy FM Radio you can win the tickets for the smallest gig in the world with The Rasmus, only 10 people will be there and guys will play exclusively for them.  I said from the beginning I won’t fight to take part in it because of Ferbruary’s gig, but now when I see how people win and how happy they are, I feel kinda jealous though I really don’t want it. I will see them, I will listen to their music live, jump and scream with hundreds of other fans, but an event like this won’t happen twice. I always wanted to feel special like this, just me, guys, we are talking, they’re singing almost only for me… but no, I will sit at home as always and think how it was. I’m so happy that today my forum sister won (Mickey, congrats to her! ) but yesterday’s winner was a girl who dresses like Lauri, goes everywhere he goes and guys seem to be scared of her. She had so many occasions to meet them and also this time she had this luck.

This time I have to give up, but in February everything must be fine. I’ve never had in my life a day I could call the best in my life. There wasn’t any people who could make this day like this. Now I have this chance and I really really want this day to be this special one. It has to be.

Just dance! Gonna be ok

Yeah, this song is being played in my winamp almost all day long xD

What about two past days… yesterday my aunt visited me. I don’t like family meetings, but she comes to me once or twice per year, so I survived somehow. I thought she will be at least nice or she won’t talk to me, but she started complaining how skinny I am… and what’s the problem? Plus I’m not skinny, I’m just thin and I like it. I always could eat what I want without getting fatter and I find it really good. Maybe it makes me look more like a child, but I don’t really care, I feel good with my body. When she was coming back home and she was saying goodbye, I thought she will give me something (no, I’m not interested in material things so much xD but it’s one of the few things we have aunts for lol), but she didn’t. She just loves to talk how rich she is. Well… sometimes my family surprises me.

Today I was finishing my Biology homework and I think I’m free from studying. It’s the last free evening before 3 weeks of school, blah. Then I have another holidays, but anyway these weeks are going to be hard and I prefer to get some good marks now, I don’t wanna have the same stressful situation as I had in the last semester. Then after holidays the only one important thing is The Rasmus gig, I think I’ll start to count down the days. I already checked the trains and if everything goes fine, I won’t have to spend night in Warsaw… the train I wanna go by will be in Warsaw at 00:30. If I’ll be late I have another one around 06:00am and sleeping in the town I don’t even know scares me a little but thank God some people also have this problem and I won’t be alone.

I feel bad with my laziness in this holiday… again. I had lots of things to do but as usually I didn’t do anything, just sitting in the net almost all the time, watching tv and all this stuff…  the one thing that surprised me is that I packed my schoolbag a week ago xD

Polish The Rasmus forum is becoming more and more funny because of my friends there We started to write about some things that nobody understands (except for us) and we were laughing about some girls who were in love with Lauri’s sneezing in Dynasty Tour Documentary… they were so “aww, he’s sneezing as my cat and me!”, you know. So, a friend of mine made a topic about Lintu’s sneezing and started to write like a teenie-in-love, it looks so funny by now but we were going offtopic also in the “Photo Lauri” thread and I won’t be surprised if we get warnings tomorow xD I don’t care, at least we have fun and people who read our posts also. We have also Banana Sect and the Rorek funclub, but I’m almost sure you won’t get what I mean… and maybe it’s even better? xD

Ok, it’s getting late so I should shut up goodnight!

The beginning.

So, welcome to my blog! Actually I had few blogs before this one, but almost everytime I was getting bored of writing there and I deleted them after some months or weeks. Maybe also because of writing in Polish, who knows. It may seem easy when you express your feelings in your native language, but it’s not… you’ve got too many things in your mind and you don’t know which are ok to write them and which are too personal. Ok, I know it happens also if you write in English, but sometimes I feel even better in expressing myself when I write in this language though some lack of words. Ok, nevermind

So, this is the first day of the new year. What will bring me year 2009… the only thing I can be sure is becoming an adult in November. I don’t want it,  I still feel like a child. Nothing will change, I’ll just have an identity card and I’ll be allowed to buy alcohol The second certain thing is of course The Rasmus gig in Warsaw… can’t wait. Now nothing can stop me and ruin this day, I waited for it for too long.

I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions, I was doing it every year and evertime something went wrong, so it makes no sense to do the same thing now and be disappointed then. I’ll just wait. I read some horoscopes on the 2009 year though I don’t like things like that, but who knows, maybe some parts of them will be true?

2008 was really nice year. For sure better than 2007 which was full of dissapointments and break-ups in friendships… generally I was feeling bad and like something was missing, I didn’t feel like myself. I think in 2008 I knew myself better, I convinced myself that I can be stubborn if I really want something and when I do something wrong, I can make things better. It was also a great year in music, I was counting days to Black Roses and finally it was released in September. It was kinda “new” Rasmus, but I liked it very much.  Also the 20th of September was a great date, 5 years passed since I am The Rasmus fan. All these years people around me were changing, I changed school twice, also I myself  changed from the 12 years old kid to this almost adult (LOL) that I am now. That’s the amazing thing, how music can be important in your life.

I have spent New Year’s Eve being online, on my two favourite forums with people from there and I can’t say it was bad. Sitting at home is boring and in some moments it really was, but then I had fun. We talked about maaaany things like drinks and geese xD My friend also make me realize that Lauri sings in Outflow “Uśmiechnij się”, that means in Polish “Keep smiling”. We were laughing about it, because when he was in Warsaw with Aki last November (I couldn’t be there -.-) he was saying some things in Polish in radio ZET, but he sounded like a Benedict XVI xD And tadam, we had a surprise – young Lauri knew Polish in good old Peep times xD

I drank apple beer and a glass of wine,  posted on the forums and went to bed around 2am. I had a nice time without being so drunk as some of my mates, they are getting ridiculous when they write everywhere how much they drank this night and how huge party they had… come on people, spending nice time depends on people you are with, now ammount of alcohol and a hangover… there is nothing to be proud of

So, I can only wish you all the best in this year and may all your dreams come true! Hope this year will be much better than the previous one to all of you